chapter 3: age, time counted in years

Chapter 3:Age- Time counted by years
August 28, 2010
I’ve always thought that I was fearless and that I could stand up to anything that life threw at me. Maybe this was because thus far, life had been easy. It isn’t very often that I really stop to think how blessed I am, but in the moments that I do, I find myself humbled, humiliated even, that I have taken such advantage of the love that Christ has given me. I’ve learned today that I do have a little fear…that is the fear of death and growing old.
I’ve put too much glory on my body and its appearance and its ability to work. Also, I’ve put too much effort into the things of this world. Maybe that’s why we don’t want to die. We don’t want to admit that everything we do and accomplish is all temporary in the grand scheme of things. No one will remember us, and those who do..well they will die one day too.
Aging and dying reminds us that we don’t have as much control and power as we lived like we did. Is this what makes us fear it?
Though I don’t really want to have wrinkles or get fat, I must get off of my arrogant high horse and realize that it really has nothing to do with what I want. My creator is pleased with my spider veins when they were obtained from doing his work. I should look at the effects of aging and smile…because I know that they take me closer and closer to God every day.
This chapter is teaching me about true love, not the emotion, and not the word we use to describe ice cream, but REAL love, that was gained by the death of Christ. We’ve all heard the story, but when it really hits you that God loved you enough to send his son…to overcome death…so that we could live??? WOW, that makes me want to re sculpt the way I think and the way I live. I want to know a love like that and I want to love other people like that.
September 1, 2010
I just wanted to understand real love, and every time I think about it, all I see is death….everywhere. This chapter is about dying, every song I hear is about dying, I read Ecclesiastes this week and it is all about how meaningless this life is, everyone I encounter is losing someone close to them, I saw Ms. Mary waiting on it Sunday at the nursing home, today I saw Mr. Gain’s dying, and last night I had a dream that I died. I just started reading habit 2 in “The Seven Habits of Highly effective people” for school. The first paragraph challenged you to picture your funeral three years from now and imagine what people would say about you. This made me wonder if I’m really living with the end in mind. DO I really do all that I can to encourage and love those around me? Could I be doing more?
I am learning so much about love. I’m learning that loving is dying…dying to my selfishness daily to follow Christ and obeying the holy spirit even when I’m scared…and realizing that really living requires you to always be aware that there is so much more after death. WHY focus on worldly crap?
In my dream last night, I wasn’t scared anymore when I died, but excited. I knew that I would finally get to meet the God who created me and loves me. I can’t wait until that day…I just wonder what he will say. Did I live in a way that pleases him?


September 13, 2010
“Now Israel’s eyes were failing because of old age, and he could hardly see. So Joseph brought his sons close to him, and his father kissed them and embraced them. Israel said to Joseph ‘I never expected to see your face again, and now God has allowed me to see your children too’”. Genesis 48: 10-11
It’s funny how this book works. Since this was the first scripture in the lesson, I might have danced around writing because I was a little scared of what might happen. Eventually, I realized I wouldn’t have forever to move to the next step, so what better time than now. So, I called up my dad and decided to give it one more try. I honestly wasn’t expecting to actually see him; I think I just wanted to know that I “tried”…but I ended up spending three hours at his house, and I realized that he is actually a pretty cool guy.
Earlier today, I was organizing a kids church lesson on 1 John 3:1, “How great the love is the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!”. Maybe it’s all of the sociology classes kicking in, but I started to understand that I have never had a full idea of God’s fatherly love, because I shut out the idea of loving my own father and believed that I didn’t need it. I started needing a deeper love from God, and in that vulnerability to let someone love me, I got to know my father….like really got to know him.
Sometimes I put things off and waste away until God gives me courage to do them. I’m learning that it doesn’t exactly work like that….nope; I have to trust him and be vulnerable to his power. When I finally decide to make the leap he wants me to, he catches me and carries me through. He is not going to push me off of the cliff though, and I’m learning that I can’t push other people off of the cliff.

September 15, 2010
“Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come. “ -Psalms 71:18
Even though David was old, weak, and tired, he still wanted nothing more that to make God’s glory known…that’s pretty inspiring. Even though I’m young, sometimes I find it hard to get the motivation to do anything. Recently I have had no will to do anything that God is asking of me (like writing this book)….I just don’t WANT to! But after admitting that, and becoming aware that I have tried to strengthen ME, and not God’s kingdom, it’s pretty amazing to see what he has done to my WANT. If I pray for his will, he will make mine line up with his, and it all just flows in perfect harmony. I don’t have to try to force God on people to declare his power. I can’t change anyone except myself, and my SELF is in much need of some change. This is NOT about me, but God will use me if I just ask him not to forsake me. So my prayer today is that God will use me (and you) to make is power known…not MY power, not YOUR power…but his. He can make this life on earth rewarding, but only if I’m living it in reverence to him.
“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again” -Psalms 71: 20-21
In all of the weakness I’ve faced lately, I sometimes feel like I’m not being used…in other words, use-less. But in my weakness, he is my strength, and he makes me rely on him. Even though I may not feel like he is moving, he always comes back to comfort his children. Earlier my friend Sarah told me that my encouragement had completely changed her life. That comment reminded me that even though I don’t always see what God is doing behind the scenes, it doesn’t mean he’s not doing.
So just in case you ever feel like you are not being used or that you’re use-less, just look at this book! God has used your dedication to him to change me and to change all of the people who I’ve talked about in these chapters (not to mention all of the changes he’s making that we aren’t even aware of). Just like David, you have carried his power on to many generations…that’s pretty cool!



September 16, 2010
“In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing” -Job 1:22
Today when I noticed that this lesson was from the book of Job, I can admit that I was a little scared. Job suffered….like a lot. EVERYTHING he had was taken away. I’m selfish, and I don’t want my stuff taken away…but I’m not exactly in charge of that…and that’s a blessing for sure!
I went to a SOMA event tonight (the Californians and some other people started this at Jones on Thursday nights). After an awesome worship service where God revealed how perfect he is, and how perfect he makes things work, James (the black preacher..haha) decided to share his heart with us. He also shared a verse from Job (that verse up there ^).
So basically, after Job lost everything, he still had a peace that God was up to something bigger….
“I have become a laughingstock to my friends, though I called upon God and he answered- a mere laughingstock, though righteous and blameless! Men at ease have contempt for misfortune as the fate of those whose feet are slipping. The tents of marauders are undisturbed, and those who provoke God are secure- those who carry their god in their hands. But ask the animals, and they will tell you, or the birds of the air, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth and it will teach you, or let the fish of the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this?
In his hands is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.”
So sure, the enemy is definitely trying to attack us (like taking Job’s house..and animals..and wife..and kids..and health…wheeww).
But Job didn’t blame it on God...
I have a choice.
I can curse the God who gave me this life to live, or I can trust him and let him show me just how awesome he is. Yep, I’ll face some junk and I’ll be beat down low…but HE will be lifted high…and HE will be my joy.
I read the other day about the stoning of Stephen (in Acts 7). That guy got stoned for proclaiming the name of Christ…and he prayed for the hearts of the stoners while it happened. So yeah… If God has the power to captivate Stephen’s heart like that, I surely should let him do the same for me.
James urged us that if we ever felt like we just wanted to blame God and die, that we would remember Job and call someone first. So I prayed that prayer….
God gave us life for a reason, and it’s never too late to stop spinning towards the bottom…to choose to let his love tear down the life we’ve built change it into a wall that will stand for him.
September 17, 2010
Today I found out about the death of my 23 year old Cousin, Andrew. He took his own life.